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Ranking Star Wars

January 5, 2017

Now I’ve seen both The Force Awakens and Rogue One, I thought it high time I compiled a top 8 Star Wars movies. Of course, it goes without saying, Caravan Of Courage is not only the best Star Wars film ever made, but probably the best sci-fi film ever made. True brilliance. This is of course followed by the Clone Wars movie which was a triumph of animation, a real masterpiece.

8Episode 2: Attack Of The Clones
What can I say about this sluggish, dull, boring, cringey and ill-conceived mess? Well, not much, but I’ll try. The script was dire, the acting wooden, the plot, thin. Even during one of the best bits, Obiwan’s battle with Jango, there was some cringey dialogue. And whilst Yoda’s lightsabering should have been amazing, it was marred by pointless CGI flying. Overall, I thought the film terrible, though Natalie Portman does wear some inexplicably odd outfits to cheer us up. And did I mention a flying R2-D2? Come on…

7 Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
To be fair, if it wasn’t for the fun pod race and the lightsabre battle between Obiwan, Jinn and Maul, this would have been just as poor as its sequel. Dare I mention Mitichloriens? Or however the hell you spell it – it’s so shit I can’t be bothered to look it up! And of course, we have The Binks…. I rest my case.

6 Episode 3: Revenge Of The Sith

The first 10 minutes are exhilarating, and as ever, John Williams provides us with a thrilling, percussive soundtrack to help us on our way. As ever, Ian McDiarmid is outstanding as the manipulative Palpatine. Even the lightsaber battle and Anakin’s/Vader’s fate is handled fairly well – Obiwan leaving him burned and broken – nice! This said, the film is still rather clunky and the acting can be described as a decent quality hardwood.

5 Rogue one: A Star Wars Story
Technically not a saga movie, but can nevertheless be described as episode 3.9. Some great and truly memorable moments. Though let down by a lack of characterisation and some questionable CGI, and a disappointing score, the film has guts. The last act is exhilarating. With some very sound acting from the main protagonists and a great moment from Vader, this is an excellent piece of work. I won’t mention a couple of really crap lines. Ambition anyone?.

4 Episode 1: A New Hope
The film that launched a thousand dreams. This is one of the most iconic movies in history, and certainly the most important sci-fi film. This is the film that made me love cinema and writing. A great movie with a fabulous villain. On re-watch, it does drag a bit when we reach the Deathstar and Leia’s rescue, the garbage crusher and the escape. But the finale is outstanding. And it’s the first time we see a lightsaber!

3 Episode 7: The Force Awakens

We don’t have an iconic baddy to call upon, nor do we have a deathstar to attack, but we do have BB8, Ray and Finn. A nostalgic and pulse-racing romp. A lesson on how to reignite a franchise. Certainly not perfect, but every frame is crambed with love.

2 Episode 2: The Empire Strikes Back
Well, tickle my Tauntaun and call me Terry, it’s not number one! Some brilliant moments. Who can forget the AT-AYTs crushing through the snow. The first time we meet Yoda, and the Besbin duel between Luke and Vader. Not to mention the truly harrowing carbonite scene. Empire is not just a great Star Wars film, but a great film. For some reason, I always found the asteroid stuff unconvincing and the stuff on Degobah a little dull.

1 Episode 3: Return Of The Jedi

Originally penned as Revenge Of The Jedi, this film has it all. A semi-naked Leia, a great baddy inJabba. The moment when R2-D2 fires Luke’s lightsaber at him, as Luke jumps off the plank over the Sarlack pit is great. This is the film when Luke becomes a Jedi; his fight with Vader is both terrifying and brilliant, and the space battle is still amazing. We can forgive the Ewoks, because everything else is wonderful. Yub-Yub!

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