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The real cyclops

March 31, 2015

We know the Cyclops from Greek myth. Homer tells us of the one-eyed giant, both terrifying and magnificent, a figure rooted firmly in our folklore and imagination. However, it was recently brought to the attention of the world’s press that in a small clinic near Beijing a real Cyclops was born.

Dr. P. Terpan, a visiting specialist in reconstructive surgery explained in an interview for the “Globual” journal.

“The patient suffered severe head injuries. It was touch and go for a while – his condition was critical. I received a phone call at about 1am from Prof. Wong Way. I rushed to the hospital and did all I could.”

Dr. Terpan explained that his internationally renowned reconstructive skills were needed to piece together Mr. Ping Pong’s cranium. Prof. Wong Way continues:

“Dr. P. Terpan operated. Mr Pong was in surgery for over six hours. That was the initial stage anyway. Dr. Terpan did exemplary work to salvage the patient’s skull. As the leader of the surgical team it was my task to co-ordinate surgery, medication, to meet with the team and put together a plan of action. It was only after talking with Iva Squint, a specialist in ocular monotogomy did we consider the cyclopsication of Mr Pong.”

Mr Squint explained that because of the injuries the patient sustained it was impossible to save both his eyes. So, in a pioneering operation Mr Pong’s remaining eye was removed from the right-hand side of his head and replanted in his forehead just above his nose. Mr. Squint explained:

“Because of the head injuries, the risk of complete vision loss and the fact that it would look really cool to have an eye in one’s forehead, after a lot of debate, black coffee, whisky and weed, we decided to undertake the pioneering procedure.”

After days of waiting, months of operations, Mr. Pong emerged blinking into the glare of the world’s media. A short, humble man with a single eye in the centre of his forehead. He said this to reporters:

“I am happy to be alive. Pleased that so much expertise and training has been used to save my life and my eye. The only question I have is why didn’t you get rid of the cataract while you were at it?”

And so, straight out of the pages of a story book a real life Cyclops lives. Living testament to the expertise and brilliance of modern science.

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