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Love – caution

November 29, 2014

I haven’t written much non-fiction lately, you see, my life has changed, took an unasked for, unwanted path. My heart is gone – squashed, crushed, broken, and I feel – well, most of the time I feel a mixture of sadness and loneliness, loss and regret. Let’s explore this for a moment, try to understand the human spirit, the human heart.

I used to think that love was a sacred, beautiful and rare thing, a magnificent experience that turns the soul to poetry and the body to warm honey. I used to think that if you were lucky enough to find love, that’s amazing, enjoy it, nourish it and don’t take it for granted. I also used to think that there was at least the possibility to experience more than one love in a lifetime. Of course, the intensity, the colour, the spectrum of each love, each relationship is different, but still I thought you could fall in love properly more than once.

I’m rapidly revaluating this view. You see, I’ve lost my one true love – the love of my life, the woman who had the power to take my breath away, to make me happy just by smiling at me, to make me laugh, and make me whole. We had chemistry, a beautiful, fizzing attraction that transcended sex. Not only that, her mind was brilliant, her voice, her laugh, her spirit. We’ve been separated for about nine months now and there isn’t a day goes by when I don’t feel a sense of sadness and longing. When I don’t feel a lump in my throat or a stone in my guts. I miss her so much it actually hurts, and I want her so much it aches.

If I live another hundred years I will never find another love like this. I will never find another woman who makes me feel the way my wife did. So, as I try to put one foot in front of the other, try to write stuff, make money, train, go to the gym, do every day things, there is always a hollowness, a missing piece. Clichés aside, I’ve experienced true love and I don’t think I’ll experience it again.

You only live once, and in that short space of time between birth and death, if you are lucky you may meet someone to share your life with. If you are extraordinary lucky you have a sacred, special love. This kind of relationship is a once in a lifetime experience so please, please don’t mess it up. If you truly love somebody, woman or man, please, please never take them for granted, always cherish them and say, “I love you.” Because if your life goes as pear-shaped as mine has, I promise you’ll regret it and feel more sad and empty than you ever thought possible.

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